Now I'm All Messed Up
by foreverbadatwriting
Summary: Tegan and Sara. Quincest. Set around the writing of Heartthrob. Tegan and Sara are in a relationship but the complication of their lives slowly destroys everything for them.
1. Chapter 1

**AN**: I think this is the last multi-chapter fic I'll be working on in a while and I'm trying to update my other ones, I'm sorry for being so late. anyway, I hope you like this one because it took fucking days to write. Enjoy :)

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**Chapter One: Stay, you'll leave me in the morning anyway.**

I sat crossed legged on the carpet of my bedroom floor, studying the sheet of paper in front of me. "I love it Tee," I enthused. She had travelled over from Vancouver to show me her new song. She wanted to show me in person for obvious reasons. We had only just started writing for the new album, and Tegan was the first to finish a song; producing lyrics and sheet music. I dropped the papers and stood up, wandering over to her. "You wrote it about me, didn't you?" She blushed hard, disguising her smile by chewing on her labret. "You got one thing right though," I tugged on her shirt and brought my mouth close to her ear, "all I think of lately is getting underneath you." I pulled away and brushed my lips against hers. She giggled shyly.

"And all I dream of lately is how to_ get_ you underneath me." I could tell she felt awkward quoting her newly written song but she loved this. She shuddered a little under my touch.

"Oh, you don't have to dream Tegan," I grabbed her shirt and pulled her onto me hard. I sucked her tongue into my mouth and massaged my own against it. She moaned lowly in the back of her throat, the vibrations tickling my lips. She clutched my hips and trailed her fingers over the fabric of my shirt. I put my hands behind her neck and linked my fingers there. The nape of her neck always had soft, tender skin, and it sent shivers sparking across my body. She pulled away for a moment, smiling widely in my eyes. She tucked my hair behind my ear and let her touch linger gently on my cheek. "I'm really glad you like it," she whispered, stroking the pad of her thumb across my cheekbone.

"I love it," I told her for a second time, pecking her lips and smiling in reassurance. "Well, since you came over short notice, we might as well make the most of it. Would you like to go get some coffee?" I began to entwine our fingers, trying my best to convince her on a spontaneous date.

"I'd _really_ like to get some coffee with you Sara," she flashed her signature gummy smile, causing places in my heart to crumble in an instant. I pressed my lips to hers, neither of us being able to suppress smiles.

"Here come the dreams to you and me," I sang jokingly against her lips. She kissed harder than before, withdrawing and chuckling.

"You're going to tease me about this one forever. Aren't you?" She threw her head back, regretting her risky lyrics.

"Yes," I whispered, kissing her exposed neck. She gasped when I started sucking. I had every intention of leaving marks too. Not only did I want her to feel me later, I wanted her to see me. She moaned my name in quietly as I continued to leave a trail of love bites down across her chest. I was abruptly stopped when she cupped my jaw and brought my lips to hers.

"How about that coffee?" She said, proceeding to skip away from my touch and flirtatiously linger in the door frame.

"You keep me on my toes Miss Quin," I reluctantly followed after her, wrapping my arms around her waist.

"I know what's on your mind," She mumbled, capturing my bottom lip with her teeth, "patience, Sara." She slipped her hand inside my jeans and dragged her fingers over my slit. I locked eyes with her, not daring to look away. My thighs shuddered uncontrollably and she already had me trapped under her spell. She removed her hand from my pants, the burning wetness in my core growing with her absence. She pulled back my lip, giving it a hard bite before letting it snap back against my teeth. She licked what juices she'd gathered from me off her fingers, dipping the entire digits into her mouth. "Coffee?" She perked up. She grabbed my hand and dragged me toward the door to my apartment.

I shamelessly held her hand walking down the street. After all these years, holding one another's hand in public was the last thing we were worried about. Holding hands was one of the tiny public displays of affection we allowed ourselves to do. Our relations dated back to 2002, and even then, it was just mindless sex. That was up until I wrote I Can't Take It and Tegan and I had to discuss our feelings. There was angst for a while, neither of us really knowing what to do. That was when she wrote all the songs on The Con. When Lindsey finally said yes to her, we decided to be in a relationship, as long as she could have Lindsey as a cover-up. That worked out pretty fine for a while. We used the time in New Orleans to spend un-interrupted time together. That's why we used a different photographer than Lindsey. Eventually, Tegan and Lindsey's situation became too much for me, so after extensive talking, Tegan allowed me to have Stacy as my own security. And that was about it up until that point. We were happy and things were going really great for us.

Tegan pulled me into the coffee shop and ushered me to sit down while she got the drinks. She leaned on the counter and purposely stuck out her ass. I couldn't help but bite my lip at her and she knew I couldn't resist it. She returned with two cups and sat next to me at the table. She worked her hand into my inner thigh and kept it there, circling the pad of her thumb. I sipped at my coffee, fighting to control the throbs in my core. The most difficult part was keeping my breathing steady. Plus, Tegan pretending like she was doing nothing at all just wound me up to no end. "Tegan, I can't stand it." I whispered, very consciously trying to keep my voice down.

"I know you can't," she chuckled, "And that's why I like teasing you." Sometimes, Tegan made me feel like the only person in the world.

"Tegan, please," I begged, fidgeting my hips towards her touch.

"You'll get your release soon enough," she chewed her bottom lip and removed her fingers from the inside of my thighs altogether. I hadn't even realised how much my breathing had become ragged. I sucked my bottom lip and let my eyelids flutter shut.

"Open your eyes," She whispered in my ear suddenly, her hot breath triggering another throb from my core. I followed her orders and met her chocolate eyes. Not much substantial was said in the coffee shop. I mainly concentrated on not cumming right there and then. It had been a while since I got any, even from Stacy. Time just felt like it was going slower and slower; when I wanted Tegan between my thighs.

After finishing our coffee, we took to the streets again, reuniting out hands together. Darkness was setting in, the sky illuminated with pinks and oranges beautifully. It was warm and pleasant. I always enjoyed little impromptu dates with Tegan, even if I was horny out of my mind. We took a detour through the park, stealing kisses when shielded amongst the trees. Things like this made us feel like a proper couple and probably helped us stay together after all this time. Don't get me wrong, we were massively cautious, but we took every opportunity we got. Plus, I guess we were kind of casual sometimes, which is why we allowed ourselves to hold hands.

When we got back into my apartment, I was itching to take Tegan's clothes off, practically ripping her jacket from her shoulders. My lips were on hers before she could protest and my hands were everywhere. She moaned into my mouth and helped me undress her, leaving a trail of clothes from the door to the bedroom. I backed Tegan onto the bed, now sat in her bra and jeans. I grabbed the button on her pants and violently unfastened it, quickly shoving them down her thighs. I undressed myself swiftly before joining her in the center of the bed, taking no time in sucking on her neck. She hummed under my touch, only encouraging me to carry on. I licked up to her jaw line, feeling pleasure in her squirming underneath me.

I slipped my hand under the waistband of her boy shorts and cupped her mound. She let out a ragged moan and bucked her hips into me. "You're so wet Tee," I whispered into her ear, licking just underneath the lobe. She let out another involuntary squirm, writhing in desperation. I plunged in my middle and ring finger, prompting a silent gasp from Tegan. I kept them in there, unmoving and studied her reaction. She squeezed her eyes shut, desperately jolting her hips for some kind of friction. "Look at me," I whispered, forcing her to lock eyes with me. She stopped struggling, putting her focus on me. I moved my fingers slowly, gliding them in and out of her. She breathed heavily, not taking her eyes off mine for even a second. I gently began to speed up my pace; curling my fingers, massaging the spongy surface. I pressed myself harder into her, shoving in my fingers to the knuckle. Tegan had started panting now, her lungs flailing in her sculpted ribs. She balled the bed sheets in her hands, forming a tight fist around the ivory bedding.

"Sara… I'm gonna cum," she sucked her bottom lip into her mouth, choking back the whimpers. Her thighs shook on either side of my hand. I stretched out my thumb and circled it on her clit. She kept her eyes firmly on me, the release practically screaming at me. Her walls clenched around my fingers and her juices flew onto my hand. Her body went limp and she lay helplessly on my bed, trying to catch her breath. Once her pussy had stopped throbbing, I pulled out my fingers and examined her orgasm; the cum stringy as I pulled my fingers apart. I hastily took my fingers in my mouth and sucked her off, her taste sweet on my tongue. Her body had accumulated a light sheen of sweat and her abs were prominent in her toned stomach. My fingertips danced on her abdomen, pleasantly watching her come down.

"Come here," she said, ushering me to straddle her face. My cunt was already dripping when her warm breath grazed my folds. She spread me apart slightly with her fingers, letting her tongue shyly run across my slit. She began lapping at me, drilling her tongue into my pussy. My breath hitched, adjusting to the sudden bursts of pleasure. I started grinding on her face, unable to help myself. She grabbed my hips and nuzzled her nose into my clit, forcing me more onto her. After her teasing since early afternoon, I was coming close a lot quicker than I wanted to. I held onto the head board in a death grip, using it to propel my thrusts against her mouth. Knots started to twist in my gut, indicating my orgasm. I yelped her name as I gushed into her, struggling a little as to not collapse. She licked me clean, making me flinch every time she accidentally came into contact with my clit.

I crawled my way back down her body, snuggling my way into her arms. I kissed her tenderly, able to taste my arousal on her lips. She pulled the sheets over us, blanketing us in a warm cocoon. I rested my head on her chest, listening to her steady heartbeat. "I'm glad you're here tomorrow. Maybe we could start to make a demo for your song," I chuckled, toying with the wiring on her bra.

She suddenly tensed around me. "Actually Sara, my flight's booked for early tomorrow morning."

"_What_?" I pulled out of her embrace and looked at her sternly.

"I'm sorry," she said, beginning the stroke my bicep.

"Tegan, I'm fucking tired of you doing this. You come over; let me fuck you and then you leave me in the morning. Do you know how difficult it is waking up in an empty bed like nothing even happened?" anger rose in my chest, suddenly getting terribly irritated with her.

"I'm sorry, Sara. You know Lindsey would get suspicious," she pleaded.

"It always comes back to Lindsey doesn't it? Tell her we're working on a new album."

"You know I can't." She went to kiss me but I turned my head, feeling her lips collide with my cheek.

"Tee… it's not fair," my eyes glazed over, teasing me with the possibility of fresh tears.

"I know. Look, I promise, next time, I'll stay for the weekend." Her attempts at pleasing me didn't feel enough.

"No. I want you for a week. When did we last spend a whole week, alone, together?"

She hesitated with her answer, not wanting to promise anything that she wouldn't go through with. "Okay," she sighed, smiling weakly, "it's just hard for me Sara."

"It's hard for me too," I said, finally snuggling back into her and pressing my forehead against hers.

"I love you," She pressed her lips against mine gently.

"I love you too," I sighed. I relaxed into the pillow and turned in her arms, allowing her to spoon me from behind. I savoured the cuddles, knowing her soft touch wouldn't be there in the morning.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two: My heart, you cut it out you never liked me anyway.**

I awoke lazily, stretching into my bed sheets. I rolled in the fabric, relieving Tegan's absence from around me. My heart dropped, missing her already. I rubbed my eyes in an attempt to remove the sleep. Now finally sitting up, I sighed deeply. I glanced around, seeing Tegan's bags and her articles of clothing vanished from the floor. I scratched my head; massaging the scalp as I went along.

Suddenly, I noticed the papers from Tegan's song still left isolated on the carpet. I wandered over, scooping them up in my heads and smiling at the lyrics solely for my existence. A note was clipped onto the papers, sparking my attention upon its notice. "_I love you. Don't forget to miss me, my little Sare-bear. Tegan x_." I traced the letters with my fingers lingering over the nickname she called me. A smile tugged at the corner of my mouth. When I reached the 'x', I kissed the small piece of paper, feeling a little stupid for how much I longed for her.

I put the papers down on my bed and padded over the adjacent bathroom. I shut on the shower and stepped in, tingling from hot water now cascading down my naked form. I ran my fingers through my hair, following the layers until they ended at the back of my neck. The stickiness left over in my inner thighs began to fade and all evidence of Tegan washed from my body.

Reluctantly, I turned off the shower, being met with the cold air still remaining amongst the steam my bathroom. Wrapping a towel around myself, I crept over to the mirror, wiping the condensation away with my palm. I studied the marks present on my neck, scanning over them with my fingertips. At least not all of Tegan was gone yet. The mirror quickly returned to its cloudy uniform, encouraging me to go back into the bedroom.

Tegan had left my previously discarded clothes in a neat pile. It was almost like she knew me too well. I collected her note and opened the top draw to my bedside table. Over the years, I'd accumulated notes and letters from Tegan. Whether they be spilling her feelings to me or informing me on a meeting I'd yet to attend, I kept every single one of them. I let the message join the other documents, suddenly feeling nostalgic of easier times.

I ruffled my hair with the towel, trying to relent the droplets tumbling from the ends. I quickly dressed, throwing on a baggy Revel and Riot t-shirt, followed by a pair of black skinny jeans. I exited the bedroom, directly finding myself in the hall. Tegan had again tidied up the trail of clothes left from last night. Treading out into the living room, I was met with a pleasant breeze, flowing in from the window; causing the thin, white curtains to wave in its stream. My stomach growled, inching me quicker toward the kitchen. Just as I went to go into the fridge for inspiration, I discovered a plate of pastries, with another little note attached. "_I told you, I love you. Teetee x_." I smiled again, taking a cinnamon bun in my fingers. Tegan always did little things like this to emphasize her romantic side. Sometimes, it baffled me how she organized such things. Plus, I think she understood I was thoroughly pissed that she wasn't spending the weekend.

Collapsing into the couch, I turned on the TV; biting steadily into my breakfast. Now I decided would be a good time to check my phone. I'd left it on the coffee table shortly after Tegan had arrived yesterday; completely forgetting about it. I checked my inbox, finding 3 unread messages. One from Stacy saying, "_Hey Sara, Call me when you get this, haven't spoken to you in days. Love you x_." One from Emy saying, "_Are we still on for next week? I want to get the R&R shoot done ASAP_." And finally, one from Tegan saying, "_I got home safely. Meet me on Skype tonight, Lindsey's away with work so I have the house to myself. Sorry that I didn't stay long. I promise I'll make it up to you. Love you Sasa x_." I read Tegan's first, which only made my happiness sink when I read Stacy's. I'd been neglecting her a little and taking advantage of her loyalty to me. Guilt took over me, feeling slightly sad that I cared more for Tegan's kisses than I ever did hers.

I dialled Stacy's number, lying back on the sofa; half wanting her not to answer. "Hey," She said, sounding exaggeratedly excited.

"Hey." Every time I saw Tegan, I forgot that I actually kind of liked Stacy. Hearing her voice always gave me that relief.

"I've not spoken to you in forever. How are you?"Her question made me smile weakly.

"I'm good. Just a little tired."

"When are you coming back to New York?"

"I'm not sure… a couple of weeks maybe."

"I don't know if I can wait that long," She joked, chuckling down the phone. My inconsistency hit me hard and guilt ran through body.

"It'll be worth it," I said, trying to give her some sort of satisfaction.

"I bet it will," her attempt at flirting made me smile again.

"Yeah?" I wanted to encourage her.

"Oh, yeah." She lowered her voice, obviously trying to be sexy.

"I've missed you," I admitted. It was true, I had. She was like a best friend to me. Phone calls were the only way I could put up a mask for her and give her the illusion that I was the girl she wanted me to be. It was a constant struggle trying to hide the way I felt for Tegan and that never left me. I felt like I could never fully be myself around Stacy and that hurt. And I knew it hurt her too; even if she didn't quite know it herself.

"Aw, babe, I've missed you too," I cringed a little at her calling me babe.

I paused a little, sighing down the phone. This was too hard for me right now. "Anyway, I've got to go but I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

"You promise?"

My heart pounded in my chest. The casual slur suddenly becoming a commitment was something I hadn't expected. "Okay." I sighed again.

"I love you," she said.

"Yeah, me too," I hung up the phone and closed my eyes, trying to make the stinging dissipate. I couldn't say I loved her. I just couldn't. Especially not after last night. The worse part is, I did that too often, just saying 'me too'. It was an easy cop out I knew I could get away with. I felt like I took advantage of Stacy too much.

I spent the rest of the day cleaning my apartment and reading, since I had nothing else better to do accept wait for Tegan. In a way, my whole life revolved around her. The majority of the time, I just felt like I was following her around like a puppy. I hated her having this control over me and forcing me to be that needy but honestly, I couldn't live without it anyway.

My blackberry buzzed loudly and knocked me out of my trance. "_Skype_," was all Tegan put into a text message. I grabbed a beer from the fridge and twisted off the cap, discarding it somewhere on the desktop. I then walked back into the living room and opened up my laptop, conveniently placed on the table. The apple symbol lit up, bringing it magnificently to life. Before I could do anything, I immediately got the alert from Tegan, informing me of her call. I clicked 'answer' before sitting back and lounging on the couch.

"Hey," Tegan said, smiling widely.

"Hey Teetee, How was your flight?" I took a sip of beer, happiness building inside me from seeing her.

"Good. I couldn't stop thinking about you." I took another sip of beer, now sitting forward and resting my forearms on my parted thighs.

"Yeah?" I tried to raise an eyebrow at her, smirking slightly.

"Uh huh, I got a present for you." She bit her lip and looked up through her eyelids.

"Really?" I knew exactly what was coming (it wasn't like it was the first time we had done this). She slowly zipped down her hoodie, revealing her bare torso, guarded by lacy lingerie.

"Do you like it?" She said, trying to look vulnerable.

"I love it." I sat back in my seat again, resting my hand in between my legs. I took a large gulp of my beer this time before placing it on the floor beside the sofa. On my monitor, Tegan smiled wickedly, her eyes beaming with lust. She put her feet up on the edge of her couch and steadied the underwear down her legs; her ankles catching them. She spread her legs wider, exposing her glistening core.

"I'm so wet for you Sara," She muttered, gently pushing her fingers inside. She strategically drilled herself, her palm pounding against her clit. She threw her head back, letting me admire her pulsating veins. The sounds of her soft grunts filled my apartment and I found myself unable to look away. She started pumping her fingers faster and grinding against her hand. "Help me…" she whispered. I had no intention of aiding her. This was for me and right now; I wanted to watch. She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth, now strumming her clit with the other hand. Her whole body shook as ecstasy took over. Her hair stuck to her forehead, indicating adorable perspiration.

Her toes curled into the cushion and I knew she was close to orgasm. She always did that with her toes; it was rather endearing. She came crashing over the edge, bursting onto her fingers. She took some heavy breaths, taking a moment to come down from her high. It was almost like she forgot I was there. Finally removing her fingers, she accepted them into her mouth; sucking herself clean. This gave me a good opportunity to see her swollen cunt that had previous been hidden behind her hand. "Why didn't you help get me off?" She giggled, wiping away the sweaty residue on her face.

"I wanted to watch," I said, innocently pushing my bangs away from my eyes, "Plus it's revenge for not being with me tonight."

"Jeez Sara, I said I'm sorry. Please don't hold this against me." I couldn't quite tell if she was joking or not.

"I'm just teasing you…" I picked my beer back up and took a large swig from the bottle. "I think I'm going back to New York in a couple of weeks." Tegan gently pulled her lingerie back up and sat closed-legged on her couch. She knew full well that that meant me spending time with Stacy. I hated changing the tone but I couldn't not tell her.

"Right," she muttered, absentmindedly messing with her nails.

"Well?" I'd expected more of a response form her.

"I don't know what to say." She calmly stated. She looked down and started studying her fingernails more thoroughly.

"I want you to be jealous Tee." It was true. I did. I know it sounds sordid, but part of me needed to know I had _some _control over her.

"You know I am," she said painfully. It came out more like a cry, a shudder playing in the back of her throat. It fell silent between us. All I could do was stare at the computer monitor, screaming with my eyes for her to look at me. She finally raised her head, revealing her eyes glazed over. "Just remember that you're mine, okay?"

"So, I'm just your property now?" I said firmly.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that it's not fucking fair that while you fuck Lindsey every other day you expect me to be alone. I hate to break this to you, but I'm not your fucking toy. You can't just drop me when it's convenient for you Tegan."

"I don't, really. I-" she shut off, looking down again, "I just hate the thought of you being with somebody else."

"And I don't?"

"I didn't mean it like that."

Suddenly, the pent up sobs began to escape me. "I just miss you, Tegan."

"I know… I miss you too," We both sat there for a while, soundlessly crying with neither one of us knowing what to say.

"Sara?" Tegan broke the silence after a while.

"Yeah?"

"I think that going to see Stacy would help you. I understand that she's what Lindsey is for me right now, and I'm sorry for being a brat. Just- please- don't let her touch you. You can do whatever you want but I swear to God, she lays one finger on you; I'll break her fucking hand. Okay?" She spoke calmly but I knew full well she was severely sincere about this.

"I will if the same goes for Lindsey."

She sighed and hesitated her reply, "okay." She shifted in her seat before looking to me and smiling softly. "I love you."

"I love you too," I smiled back, wanting nothing more than to hold her hand.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN:** This was only briefly edited because I've had it done for a few days and haven't read it all the way through yet; I've mainly edited it in pieces. This is awesome because it's the longest chapter I've EVER written for ANYTHING. As far as my other fics are concerned, Love They say will be updated next, I'm half way through the chapter so keep waiting patiently. I have ideas for the next chapters on I Would Take You Anywhere and All I want to get is a little bit Closer (I think it's called that? _it's been so long_) I just need to write them down. And I'm gently working on You Keep Me On My Toes but everything else is a priority at the moment... Fanfiction actually took it down so I might try to move it onto a tumblr. Thank you for being so supportive and I'll try to update my consistently. I hope you like this chapter because at least half of it is smut so... enjoy.

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**Chapter Three: Why do you take me down this road if you don't want to walk with me?**

The loud ringing of my alarm jumped me out of sleep unforgivingly. My heart pounded to the sudden surprise and I quickly turned it off. I rubbed my eyes, adjusting to the light so I could read the clock properly. _2:00pm_. I never usually slept in this late, but the previous night, I'd drank a lot so I just slept through my hangover. It wasn't a rare occurrence for me to drink heavily the night before going to New York. I did it every time actually.

Since I had to leave for the airport in an hour, I got up, my mind fixated on getting back into bed. I couldn't be bothered having a shower, so I just threw on some clothes I'd set aside to travel in. I always packed well before my flight so that I wouldn't forget anything; despite how much I desired an excuse to come back.

My Blackberry was settled on charge in the kitchen. I checked it, finding 5 missed calls from Tegan. She'd been more anxious than normal about me going to see Stacy this time. I pressed her speed-dial number and held the phone to my ear. She answered quickly, barely giving it any time to ring.

"Hey," she said, breathless.

"Hi Tee." Her voice immediately relaxed me.

"I just needed to hear you," she sighed.

"I know… It'll be okay… I'll be back before you know it… You can trust me Tegan." I wanted to speak firmly so she'd believe me.

"Think of me when you go down on her." Her attempt at joking had come out more as a plead.

"I always do Tee." My heart was slowly breaking down the phone to her.

"Bye," she whispered, her voice trembling.

"Bye," I whispered back and hung up the phone. I felt my organs shatter inside my rib cage. Seeing Stacy generally made me hurt over Tegan more than usual these days and it was becoming difficult to even spend time with her.

The journey to New York was a blur. I remembered getting a taxi to the airport but everything was fuzzy in between. I arrived at JFK before I could even process what was happening. I only came back down to earth when I found Stacy, open-armed and beaming at me. "Hey Baby!" She grinned, hauling her arms around me tightly. I reluctantly hugged her back, sighing into the embrace. "I missed you so much," she whispered in my ear before kissing delicately at my upper lip. "Are you okay? Did you have a good flight?" She seemed very enthusiastic, which just dampened my mood even more.

"I'm fine. I'm just tired." I tried to cover up my anxiety. I hopelessly kissed back; Tegan kicking at my guts every time I placed my lips on hers.

"Okay, well, I think we should get a cab." She kissed me one last time and laced her fingers between mine. She guided me outside the airport and I glanced back, watching my escape get farther and farther away.

In the back of the cab, she squeezed my thigh; her fingers dancing on the fabric. My guilt still unable to settle, I checked my phone, itching for Tegan to have left me something. I found nothing from her, so I buried my phone back in my pocket. As guilty as I felt over Tegan, the thought of her with Lindsey was enough to fuel lust for Stacy.

I carried my luggage into the bedroom, stacking it neatly in the corner. I went back into the living room to find Stacy cracking open a bottle of wine and pouring out two glasses. "I hope you don't mind." She held out one of the glasses to me.

"Not at all," I smiled. I accepted the glass from her and sipped at it gently. Alcohol was just what I needed to calm my nerves.

Several glasses later, my mind was fuzzy and I was giggling steadily with Stacy. We had started watching a movie, but neither of us were paying any attention. I'd sort of reached a horny stage of drunk so it felt like I was putting my hands all over her body. She went along with it, enjoying my strokes and reciprocating to the touch. She glided her fingers gently over mine and pulled me off the sofa. She led me to the bedroom, walking backwards through the apartment.

She backed onto the bed and pulled me on top of her. I didn't want to waste time with foreplay. Actually, I didn't even want to touch her that much at all. I grabbed the button on her jeans and quickly slipped my hand inside. I pounded her before she could even protest. This wasn't romantic, affectionate, the way love was supposed to be. My mind was elsewhere, waiting for time to pass until she hit orgasm. I pumped my fingers harder, making her squeal underneath me. Even her sex groans repulsed me. Tegan was the only thing I could think of to make me feel sane. I wanted to be with her… not Stacy. Especially since my relationship with her had become so twisted, what I had with Tegan felt completely normal in comparison. I began to get a cramp in my bicep but I didn't stop, very much determined to make her cum by this point. It felt like hours ticking by slowly as I watched the female convulse and moan wearily. Eventually, she poured onto my fingers and panted in relief. I slipped my fingers into her mouth, letting her lick them clean just so I wouldn't have to.

I curled over as to go to sleep but her hands quickly found my waist. "My turn," she whispered with her mouth touching my ear; reaching for my inner thigh. Suddenly feeling violated, I grabbed her wrist tightly and discontinued her motives. I sighed, immediately feeling guilty for my impulse.

"Not tonight, Stacy. I'm still tired from the flight and I'm not in the mood." She kissed my neck and locked our fingers together.

"Okay, but don't expect to get away with it all week." My heart sank. The realisation of what I was doing to her, hit me like a ton of bricks. She snuggled into my back and relaxed into sleep. However, my mind just wouldn't shut off. I couldn't stop thinking about Tegan. Tears rolled soundlessly from my eyes, each one guarding the secret I'd kept for almost four years.

The rest of the week went similarly. I'd spend time Stacy, some times more affectionate than others; I'd sleep with her, and then find some excuse to get out of it myself. It worked pretty well as a matter of fact. She didn't really ask any questions. However, my inconsistency never failed to make me feel guilty. That was up until my last night. I knew it would come eventually but I'd dreaded it.

I lay facing the wall in bed, waiting for the inevitable. The door opened and her body inching closer softly shattered each organ inside my body. She soothed her hands against my hips before pulling me onto my back. I opened my mouth to protest but she pressed her fingers against my lips to block the words she didn't want to hear. Her hands fluttered across my skin until she captured my wrists, where she pinned them above my head. She then steadied herself between my thighs, grinding gently. Teeth engulfed my bottom lip and I could taste the alcohol fresh in her warm breath.

She eased the phallus into me coyly and continued to chew down on my mouth. A stifled moan escaped me, letting her know I was ready for this. She began to jolt her hips in a stable rhythm. I rocked into her, shamefully enjoying her tender affection. I clenched my hands into fists, the strained tendons ripping into her palms. A smile played on her face, notably liking the uncommon control. She rolled her pelvis at a more regular frequency, watching me smother the entire six inches with each insertion. Her elated expression haunted me; she'd waited too long for this to happen. My hums sidled against her teeth, tearing into the back of her throat. I stared up at the ceiling, feeling insecure in the grayed enclosure. The sound of her skin slapping against mine filled my mind. Her breath came out ragged and sweat coated her pores. I closed my eyes shut tightly and envisioned Tegan in the darkness. I arched my back as Stacy pumped in and out of me. Muscles in my body shuddered and I collapsed over the edge. I whimpered as my juices cascaded onto her, causing achievement to spiral through her veins. A silent 'T' echoed on my tongue. This was a prime example of how even at times like these; she still had a hold over me.

Stacy waited for the spasms to stop before she removed the thick silicone from my walls and cuddled up into my chest. The smile wouldn't leave her lips as she dwelled in a sudden happiness. "I love you," she whispered, rubbing her cheek atop my lungs. I squeezed her in response and stroked her hair delicately. That way, I could create an illusion without having to say anything. I did love her, but not in the way she thought. Not in the way she wanted me to. There was no real point in saying it if I didn't mean it.

Eventually, she floated into a light sleep, quietly snoring. I enjoyed it when she slept the most because I knew she was at peace. It was the only time I didn't have to pretend to make her happy. I was hurting her- slowly sucking the life from her. She may not have realised it yet, but I was. It was a cross a had to bear every day with the additional weight of Tegan on my shoulders. Unlike Stacy, I could never be at rest. I envied her for that. She was all I had to remind me of how disturbed my life had become. I embraced her tighter, and for the first time that week, I felt comfortable in her arms.

Sounds of banging from the kitchen awoke me and pleasure rippled through my heart at the discovery of empty sheets. There was nothing I loved more than a lone bed; no matter who it was I'd been sharing it with the night before. The smell of coffee hit me before Stacy did, the exquisite aroma sending contentment into my heart. She waltzed into the bedroom presenting two mugs. She placed them both on the bedside table before jumping onto me and rolling us on the mattress. She kissed me lovingly, giggling along with herself. I couldn't help but giggle too, experiencing an unfamiliar satisfaction in my atmosphere. "I don't want you to leave today," she sighed.

"Me neither." I actually meant it this time. I hadn't had a bad time with Stacy at all. In fact, I rather enjoyed myself the majority of the time. She was more like a best friend to me, and I didn't feel the same pressure around her that I did with Tegan. She kissed me a final time before handing me my coffee for me to sip from. We sat cross-legged on the bed, engaging in natural conversation and exchanging laughs. It was almost like I'd prematurely adjusted to her company; only now allowing myself to relax.

We both dressed and packed my things, preparing me for the long-awaited travel home. She escorted me to the airport, arranging a taxi and everything- putting a minimum to what I had to do, consequently relieving me of stress. We held hands in the taxi again, but this time, I felt pleased doing it.

Busy with people rushing by, she snaked her hands around my waist in front of the departure gate. "I'll see you soon," she sighed in my ear, "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too," I replied, burying my head in the crook of her neck. I reluctantly tugged away and headed off into the airport.

"I love you!" She shouted after me. I glanced back smiling and waved at her enthusiastically. As I turned round the corner, it was like a clamp that had been wrapped around my chest for the past week removed itself from me. It was like I could breathe again. The thought of not having to lie anymore for a while cheered me up sufficiently. I slept during the flight. It was a fairly easy journey, only being woken occasionally for the offering of refreshments. I politely denied each time, creeping back into the light sleep.

I wandered through the airport, exhausted from my nap. I absent-mindedly trudged across the linoleum floor and dragged my bag along with me. Suddenly, a hand tapped against my shoulder and I turned around sharply. She smiled gracefully and she watched my face intently for a reaction. At first, I thought I was hallucinating, but no, it was her. It was really her. Tears took no time to pour down my cheeks. "Tegan! What are you doing here?" I beamed and pulled her into a tight hug, harshly squeezing her waist.

"I was going to stay at your apartment but I couldn't wait. I checked what time you'd booked your flights and I had to come and meet you. I'm sorry if I startled you." She wrapped her arms around my neck, snuggling her head against my hair. "Just- the thought- of you- with her- killed me. So, I flew over from LA- just so I could be here when you got back. I hope you don't mind."

"Mind? Tegan! I'm fucking ecstatic." A smile refused to leave my lips and a blush erupted on my cheeks. Right there and then, it felt like she couldn't get close enough to my body. I sobbed into her shoulder and inhaled deeply, the smell of her making my head swim.

"Now, I'm getting an inexplicable need to kiss you, so I think we should get to your apartment, yeah?" She whispered in a husky tone. I nodded quickly, only now drawing myself away. I let my fingertips brush against her knuckles and tried to cease the tears falling from me. She wiped them away with the pad of her thumb, not letting her gaze escape from mine for even a second.

I practically ran out of the cab. I clutched her hand and pulled her into my home. Just as soon as we were in the door, I attached my lips to hers, kissing away the pent up guilt and sadness. Within the safe walls of my apartment, she scrambled for my clothes and dragged me to the bedroom. I threw my bags down, not caring at all where they landed. She pulled me violently, grabbing my shirt in a fist and tugging me with her; our giggles unceasing.

I lay back on the bed and she took no time to climb on top of me. We kissed desperately, reacquainting one another with our familiar bodies. She guided me to sit up and she straddled my waist. She played with the hem of my shirt before pulling it up over my head. She palmed my bra and I tangled my fingers in her long, conditioned hair. Moving, Tegan lifted her own shirt over her head; momentarily discontinuing our kisses. With one swift motion, she unbuttoned my jeans and slid them down my legs; taking my boxers with her. I reached out and dragged my fingers down from her stomach to her abdomen and unclasped her own jeans. She kicked them off hastily, returning to her previous flushed state against my body. My fingertips circled the dimples on her lower back, lazily brushing my nails over the creamy surface. I trailed my hands up her back to unhook her bra, leaving sore red lines behind me. The bra hit the carpet soundlessly and was shortly joined by my own brassiere. Her stomach muscles tensed when I skipped over them with my thumbs, waltzing down to hook into her boy shorts. I snapped the elastic back, letting it ping against her. "Take them off," I whispered, biting my lip at her seductively. She quickly complied, shifting them down her thighs efficiently.

I grasped her hips and twisted myself on top. She wrapped her legs around my waist, trapping me there. "I've missed you," she smiled weakly. I lunged forward, pressing our lips together. She tangled her fingers in my short, tattered hair, curling into the locks. I moved to her jaw line, sucking hard and prompting a gasp from my twin. I continued farther, marking a path of red circles and bite marks. I crawled down her slender body, repeating the motion until I reached her inner thigh. Her eyes were glazed over when I finally glanced up from between her legs. She balled the bed sheets in her fists and gnawed her lip, anxious from anticipation. Hovering over her glistening core, I purposely let my breath caress her folds. She bucked her hips, her breath ragged and hitched. I stroked her jutted hip bones with my thumb gently before creating a firm hold on her pelvis. I glanced up at her one more time and dipped my tongue into her. She immediately threw her head back; her eyes rolling in their sockets. Grinding gently against my face, her moans echoed into the room. She grabbed onto the headboard with one hand and entangled the other in my hair. I lapped at her rapidly, causing convulsions from her. Letting go of her hips, I placed my palm flat on her stomach, the other hand accompanying her clit. I strummed her, relentlessly licking at the same time. She pushed down on my head, plunging my tongue into her deeper. My name repeated itself in her fatigued voice and she splayed her legs wider apart. She arched her back and her thighs quivered. Shudders took over her body and her moans intensified. Her cum poured onto my tongue and I expertly cleaned away her juices. She gasped and shivered as her body came down from its high. I kissed her inner thigh, looking up at her through heavy eyes; waiting for her to subside.

Eventually, her death grip on my hair relaxed and instead she tucked it neatly behind my ear. I climbed back up and she cradled me in her arms; the taste of her arousal still lingering in my mouth. She smiled and kissed my forehead, protectively swinging her leg around my waist. I snuggled into her embrace, resting my head on her clammy chest. "Tegan?" I whispered, not particularly searching for an answer. I knew she was listening so I continued, "you know how you feel when I see Stacy?" Even the mention of her name made Tegan's muscles tauten. "Well, that's exactly how I feel whenever you're with Lindsey… I think you forget that sometimes… Just know that it hurts me just as much." Remaining silent, she squeezed me tightly and kissed the top of my head. "I love you, Tee."

Then without warning, she turned me onto my back; conveniently straddling my waist. She lowered her hand between us and touched to my clit before I had chance to adjust. I'd briefly forgotten the throbs pulsating at my core. She worked her fingers into me hard and fast, slotting them in effortlessly with my moisture. "Shit," I breathed, unable to control the moans and profanity escaping my throat. Pressing on my clit with her thumb, she curled herself inside me, hitting my g-spot with dexterity. The burning sensation in my inner thigh made me feel like my lungs were going to implode. It was all too soon but I couldn't stop her. I gushed heavily, my body abruptly jerking forward. I moaned her name leisurely, not holding back like I had done with Stacy. With Tegan, I didn't have to hide. She brushed her lips close against my ear. "I'm yours," she said firmly, "Only yours… I think you forget that sometimes."


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: **I guess it's been a while. I know I said I was going to update Love They Say first, but this fiction has sort of become my baby. This chapter is very fucking long too, so I hope that makes up for everything. I've been really busy lately so my updates might be scarce but I'll try to put something out every two weeks at a minimum. Thank you for following and I hope you like this one as much as I do.

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**Chapter Four: Why do you exit go it alone when you could just talk to me?**

My eyelids fluttered open, finding myself in a chaos of sheets. Tegan's arm swung casually over my waist warmed my insides pleasantly. I wriggled out from under her touch and got out of bed, stretching nude adjacent to my window. The light flooding in from the fresh Montreal morning illuminated the room enchantingly. It was really beautiful here, and the small brunette in my bed added to the elated cloud rising in my chest.

I crept along the carpet, dreadfully careful as to not wake her. I grabbed Tegan's oversized shirt from the night before and covered my torso. The kitchen was also alight, similar to the bedroom. I instinctively turned on the coffee pot and grabbed the unexploited cookery book I'd left out on the side, flicking through the pages rapidly. Finding the page I was looking for, I gathered the necessary ingredients; the minimalist items were easily found in my cupboards. My spontaneous decision to make Tegan breakfast in bed gave me such a rush of excitement. I was barely able to contain myself.

I re-entered the bedroom with a filled plate and two cups of coffee. I placed the crockery on the bedside table and then straddled her waist. I kissed along her jaw line, rousing her delicately from sleep. She moaned in my ear, signalling her pleasurable wakening. "Hey," she whispered, her voice husky and dry from sleeping. She held onto my thighs at her sides and stroked my skin with her callused thumbs and fingertips. I pulled her to sit up and handed her the coffee, desperately sipping from my own mug. Without letting her get too carried away, I removed the cup from her grasp and presented her with the platter of warm chocolate-chip pancakes. I poked at it with the fork, collecting a good mouthful. Hovering it over her lips, I let the sweet/salty mixture fill her nostrils, savouring my hard work. She accepted the fork, taking the gooey cake into her mouth.

"I'm going to spoil you today," I grinned, watching her curiously.

"Okay," she replied, "but only if I get to treat you tomorrow." I reluctantly nodded, only really wanting it to be about her. I provided her with another mouthful, feeding her lovingly. "Sara, this is really good," she giggled, taking from the plate herself and eating a whole pancake in one. "You should cook more often." Her gummy smile was stuffed with the beige food and she chewed in delight at me.

With the pancakes and coffee consumed, I lay in Tegan's arms, kissing her affectionately in the warm sheets. "We should get up," I said, rubbing her biceps, my fingertips tracing the 'justify my love' inked into her arm.

"Why? What else have you got planned for today?" She smiled widely, hugging me closer.

"That would be telling," I whispered, ghosting my lips over hers. Just as she went to kiss me, I pulled myself up, dragging her out of bed. She fought against me but soon surrendered, allowing me to usher her into the bathroom. I turned on the shower and pulled us both under the hot waterfall. I washed Tegan for her, my fingers dancing curiously over her skin and working soap into her pale body. I stopped behind her, kissing her shoulder blade and scanned my fingers across the small of her back. I shampooed her hair too, specifically enjoying dragging my fingers through her long, chocolate locks and massaging her scalp. Just as I'd rinsed her off, I was paused by her grabbing my wrist and guiding my fingers to her clit.

"Please," she whined. I knelt down in front of her, dragging my nails across her hips as I went. I used two fingers to spread her apart, studying her wet folds before licking up her slit. She clawed at the tiled walls, unsuccessfully trying to find something to hold onto. I lapped at her core, each stroke shooting a wave of pleasure through her. She rolled her hips against me gently and sucked her bottom lip into her mouth. Water droplets cascaded down her chest, fluttering onto her stomach. I sucked her clit, jolting her knees and almost losing her balance. She threw her head back, humming my name repeatedly. Her fingers tangled into my hair, gripping it tightly in her fist. Her stomach muscles clenched and her thighs started to shudder. With one exaggerated moan, she squirted onto my tongue, her orgasm rippling through her veins. She looked like she was going to collapse, so I quickly stood up and held her in my arms, tucking her hair behind her ears until she subsided. She buried her face in the crook of my neck and kissed the skin faintly.

Skin soggier than intended, I removed us from under the shower. I wrapped us in a large fluffy towel and brought her out into the bedroom. Without warning, she carelessly threw herself onto the bed, dampening the crisp sheets beneath her. I couldn't help but smile, even if she was tainting the integrity of my bed. "Come on, Tee, get dressed." Dropping the towel, I grabbed her ankle and tugged her to the edge of the mattress. She giggled and grabbed my waist in return, threatening to pull me down with her. "Seriously, get up, we're not fifteen anymore," I laughed with her.

"Lighten up Sare-bear." She smiled wickedly, choosing to accept me and get up. She cuddled my waist and kissed me tenderly. Cold drips from our hair mingled with our skin as our tongues collided and crashed against one another.

"I love you," I said, not being able to disguise the smile forming on my lips. She kissed me harder than before, forcing a moan from me.

"I love you too." She lowered her hands to my hips and playfully tore us apart. Her whimsical existence brightened me inside and out. When she wasn't with me, I forgot just how happy she made me. We chose matching outfits for the day, picking out stripy shirts and black skinny jeans. Although, I did wear my brown leather jacket and Tegan just borrowed a khaki coat she found in the bottom of my closet. After fixing my hair and applying a light layer of makeup, I watched her straighten her shoulder-length hair. She looked undeniably stunning. Even when she kept her hair in natural soft curls, she still looked breathtaking. I never could quite get over how in awe I really was of her. Tegan applied hairspray, fluffing the styled mane. She checked herself out in the mirror a couple of times before finally turning her attention to me. "I'm all yours." She tugged the hem of my shirt and pulled my front onto her. She put her hands on the small of my back and rested her forehead on mine. "Where are you taking me, baby?"

"You'll see," I bit my lip at her. I knew full well I was teasing. I loved having this hold on her; the ability to drive her wild. I entwined our fingers and directed her out the apartment, each of us grabbing a pair of sunglasses on our way out.

The pleasant Montreal sun warmed my skin, feeling delightful as we walked along the sidewalk. Tegan put her arm around my shoulders, hugging me caringly. Her touch was her way of possessively protecting me; silently screaming to the whole world that I was hers. I guided her through the city, still refusing to give her any clue as to where I was taking her. She was giddy from the anticipation, occasionally writhing internally.

Eventually, we reached my destination of choosing. She smiled curiously and cocked her head to the side. "What's all this?" She asked, giving my waist a squeeze.

"I, Tegan, am going to treat you to something ridiculously expensive in that jewellery store and there's absolutely nothing you can do to change my mind." I smirked at her and she glowed happily.

"And what if I don't want anything?" She teased and stroked the back of my knuckles with her fingertips.

"Oh, I think you will. Actually, I'm sure you will." I had to restrain myself from kissing her, sighing deeply and repressing the unruly urges growing inside of me. "I just want to get you something you can wear all the time. Something that'll make you think of me. Something that she doesn't have." She nodded slowly, wrapping her arms around me fully and embracing me firmly. "Come on," I whispered, "let's spend an obscene amount of money." She giggled wildly and I tugged her into the store.

Tegan browsed the glass cabinets, studying all the different assortments and arrangements of diamonds and silvers. She took her time, thinking carefully about her selection. I viewed the glittery accessories myself, taking disinterest to the most of the elaborate chains and pendants. I looked over to Tegan, finding her talking to the store clerk discretely. I watching curiously as the man reached under the counter and pulled out a white box. Only then did I walk over, placing my hands on her hips from behind and startling her. "Have you found anything Tee?"

She picked up the curved silver from the box and brought it close to her face. She presented a double-fingered ring with three balls in-between each open end. She slipped it through her fingers, letting the balls rest perfectly on her knuckles. "I really I like it," she said. She held her hand out in front of her, admiring the shiny ring. "But I think the price tag will say otherwise." Disregarding her comment, I pressed my credit card on the glass counter and pushed it in the direction of the clerk. "Whoa, Sara!" Tegan objected and grasped the card.

"I don't care how much money it is." I passed the card back to him, "I told you, I want to spend an obscene amount of money on you… you're just gonna have to deal with it."

"Sara!" she enthused and threw herself onto me. "Thank you," she whispered, holding me tighter. I sorted the transaction and the cashier handed us the blue velvet case inside a black plastic bag. Tegan accepted it from him, literally bouncing in excitement.

We left the store shortly after, Tegan clutching my hand much tighter than before. "Where to now?" she asked, beaming excessively. The sun was setting and darkness was creeping in over the city. A cool breeze washed over the streets and I shivered underneath my leather jacket. The sky illuminated with pinks and oranges, creating the perfect atmosphere. Being very vague with my answer, I tugged Tegan along the sidewalk. A certain idea played in my mind, which excited me furiously.

By the time we reached the bar, the sky was a dark blue and night had taken over. "A gay bar? Sara, we'll get noticed immediately. We can't go in there." Tegan began to panic, letting go of my hand.

I grabbed her wrist quickly and forced my eye contact onto her. It seemed to calm her partially. "No, Tegan, we're fine. We're wearing sunglasses and it'll be dark inside. We'll sit in a quiet corner by ourselves. And if anyone notices us, you can blame me. It'll be fine." Tegan reluctantly nodded and let me drag her inside the club. She kept her head low and avoided looking at anybody. I pulled her into one of the leather seated booths provided at the side of the room. Purple lights fluttered everywhere, cutting into the black. I ordered us two beers from the bar and we settled close to one another on the long sofa. I massaged her thigh under the table, hidden from disapproving eyes. Eventually, Tegan relaxed and openly squirmed to my touch. The club was disgustingly loud so we purposely leant in too close to one another's ear whenever we wanted to say anything.

When we got onto our third beer, two girls approached our table, giggling manically and holding each other from falling over. "Hey, are you guys Tegan and Sara?" Tegan jerked away from me suddenly and bowed her head. I took off my sunglasses and smiled at the two females.

"Yes. We are. What are your names?" they mumbled a reply but I wasn't paying any attention. I tried to console Tegan but I could tell she was too mad and embarrassed to pay any attention to me. "It's nice to meet you," I said, giving up temporarily, "would you like to dance with us?" Tegan shot a look at me suddenly. I was glad for her sunglasses so I didn't see the full extent of her glare. The girls nodded nervously in agreement and started forwards the dance floor. I lent over to Tegan in reassurance, "Trust me," I whispered, climbing out of the booth and tugging her with me. She couldn't have wanted anything less in those moments.

Reaching the girls, I placed my hand on the small of Tegan's back and ushered her forward a little. "So, who wants who?" I laughed, joking with them. The petit blonde went for Tegan and started dancing awkwardly. The other went for me but was the more confident of the two. While dancing, I touched Tegan, which intentionally went unseen by our accomplices. Tegan caught on to what I was doing and reciprocated. Now she understood why I'd asked those girls to dance. The thing was, if we were doing what we were doing by ourselves, we wouldn't have gotten away with it. Admittedly, I felt bad for using those girls, but I wasn't to blame for their innocent minds and the darkened room. Like I said, Tegan and I took every opportunity we got.

After a while, the excitable females we were dancing with got boring and they just started to feel like a burden. We exchanged a few pleasant goodbyes and left the bar hastily. "Don't do that to me again," Tegan giggled and wrapped her arm around my waist.

"I'm sorry Tee," I whispered. I went to kiss her but then remember where we were. I brushed it off and pressed my forehead against hers for a brief moment instead. It was dark and the streets were cold now. I could actually feel Tegan shivering a little against me.

"Baby, I'm starving, we haven't eaten all day," she said suddenly. I'd completely forgotten about food. I guess my diet of coffee and wine took away my appetite. I glanced around quickly, noticing a few fast food places on the busy street.

"Do you want a hotdog or something?" She nodded and dragged me towards the nearest hotdog stand. She pulled out her wallet before I could offer to pay myself, and ordered two hotdogs, throwing a wink at me in the process. She accepted hers immediately, taking large bites. Personally, I paced myself, not quite realising how hungry I'd actually been.

The rest of the walk home was pleasant. Like the last time, we took a detour through the park; kissing when under the cover of trees. Controlling the urge to kiss her in public was always the hardest. That's why I was grateful for Stacy. But at the same time, it was the one thing Tegan couldn't give me and likewise with Lindsey and I; that really killed us sometimes.

Getting back into the apartment, Tegan ran over and threw herself on the sofa, visibly tired. She put her sunglasses and the bag from the jewellery store on the coffee table and sprawled out, kicking off her shoes and socks. I, on the other hand, went into the main bathroom and began to run a bath. I had two bathrooms in my apartment; the small shower en-suite and the main one with a big tub. Even though today had already been extensive, I was no where near done with Tegan. I lit candles around the bathroom and poured us two glasses of wine.

Walking back out into the living room, I handed Tegan the glass of crimson liquid. "What's this?" she asked, cocking up one eyebrow. Nonetheless she accepted the wine and sipped at it confidently.

"Come with me," I whispered, heading off in the direction of the bathroom, more than aware she would follow.

"Jeez Sara, you really are spoiling me today," she smirked. I put down my glass and lifted her shirt over her head. I undressed her carefully, shamelessly caressing her skin. She chewed on her lip, enjoying the gentle touches. Her long hair had become fluffy and small wisps had fallen out of place. I tucked a strand behind her ear, stealing a kiss from her. I trailed my fingers down her muscular stomach and undid the button on her jeans delicately. I pushed down her jeans and boxers in one and signalled for her to step out of them. I turned her around and kissed along her shoulder blade. Unhooking her bra, I snaked my hands around to palm her breasts. She moaned lightly and sighed into me.

Without letting myself get too carried away, I shut off the water and gave her the go ahead to get in. The smell of lavender filled the room and the glow from the candles created the perfect atmosphere. "You're not gonna join me?" Tegan pouted.

"Sorry," I smiled, "but it'll be worth it." I stroked her cheek with my thumb and quickly lunged in close to her ear. "I promise," I whispered and bit my lip as I pulled away, "don't go anywhere." Leaving her in the tub, I quickly ran to my bedroom. I stripped hastily and retrieved the Victoria's Secret bag I'd hidden in a draw. I'd had this underwear for a while but never quite found the right moment to use it. I had a pair of black stockings that stopped mid-thigh with thin blue ribbon around the top. Then, there were matching lace bra and ladies boxers; both black and lined with blue ribbon. Usually, I didn't feel confident enough to wear this sort of thing but I knew Tegan would be revelling in it. Above the underwear, I put on a short, stringy night dress, which ended at my upper thigh. It again was black, laced with blues. Before applying the lingerie, I dressed up a little; quickly shaving what I could and putting on a layer of make-up. My rouged lips and darkened eyes complimented the racy clothes. I also ran a comb through my hair, taming it from the day's antics. Finally, I got a pair of shiny black heals from the closet. I wasn't originally going to use them but it felt right. I was surprised I still had them, since I never actually wore them but at least this way I could be taller than Tegan. I quickly gave myself a once over before venturing out of the bedroom.

Full of nerves, I hung in the bathroom doorway, finally coming into Tegan's sights. "Fuck me," she whispered, blown over by my appearance. I walked over and sat on the edge of the bath, playing with her hair like I'd done before. "You look amazing," she husked and looked me up and down in marvel. I grabbed the glass of wine I'd set down before and gulped the entire thing. I stayed with her a while, allowing her to stroke my arm and trace my tattoos with her moist digits.

"Are you ready to get out?" She nodded in reply. She climbed out of the tub with ease and stood in front of me. Uncontrollably, I reached out to hold her waist. I trailed my fingertips over the damp flesh and dragged them down her spine until I felt the shivers echo across her pores. She moved away and wrapped a towel around her shoulders loosely. She shifted in closer to hold me but I sprung away from her touch. "Not yet," I teased, proceeding to entice her back into the living room.

Grabbing a chair from the dining table, I swung it into the middle of the room and nodded for Tegan to sit. She complied suspiciously, occupying the isolated seat. I turned on the stereo at a low volume and swaggered towards her. I brought up my heel to her knee and tapped at the reddened skin. Taking the hint, she spread her legs apart for me, exposing her drenched core. "Keep your hands at your sides," I ordered. She gripped the cushion to the extent of her knuckles turning white. Her chest heaved and she eyed me hungrily. I began to sway my hips gently to the music and tugged at the lace clinging to my body. Tegan chewed her lip; unable to tear her eyes from me. With the bottom of dress confidently in my palm, I pulled the article easily up and over my head. The hollow sound of it hitting the floor rang in Tegan's ears and her pelvis jolted involuntarily.

I grabbed both of her knees and crouched in front of her on the chair. She pushed her core towards me, fighting the sharp warmth crashing through her. My breath caressed her folds and she quivered inadvertently. I indolently ran my tongue up her slit and collected her juices in my mouth. She let out a piercing moan, holding back everything she could to not touch me. I pushed off her knees and ascended back to my feet. Her breathing had become a lot more ragged and forced; her eyes consumed with desire. I daintily continued rocking my hips and reached behind me to unhook my bra. The straps drifted down my arms smoothly and accompanied the night gown on the floor. Tegan's eyes were almost rolling back in her head. Celestially, I sat down in her lap, face to face and both legs on either said of her. My arms fell slackly onto her shoulders, my fingers impulsively playing with the small hairs on the back of her neck. She panted underneath me and her whole body seemed to shake.

Taking one hand away from her neck, I dipped it between us, dragging two fingers across her pussy. Throwing her head back, she growled lowly. I kissed along the strained tendons in her neck as I tantalizingly stroked her folds. Surrendering to her pleads, I eased my fingers inside her; her walls palpitating around my digits. "Sara, please," she whimpered as her lungs burned her insides. I cut into her again, drawing another moan from her. She shuddered hard, shaking around me. I began to thrust at a regular pace and watched my fingers disappearing into her. Her screams ripped into the air, exploding in the apartment. My teeth grazed against her skin; biting too harshly, I broke it and left curved red marks up and down her neck. She squirmed in the chair, writhing herself into ecstasy. "Sara…" she begged again with a husky moan. Her walls were already beginning to clench. She was cumming too quickly but I couldn't stop. She gasped hurriedly, fighting for air she couldn't quite reach. I'd stolen her breath and now I was going in for the kill. She clawed frantically at the chair, forcing herself not to touch me. Her body jerked violently and she came crashing over the edge. She squirted onto my fingers, convulsing uncontrollably. She rested her sweaty forehead on my chest and panted mercilessly, desperate to catch her breath and stop the fire in her lungs.

Eventually, she subsided into a clammy mess with her face buried in my neck. Her arms hung tiredly at her sides and her breathing was still scarily heavy. I steadied my fingers out of her, causing her to flinch sharply. She took my fingers into her mouth, sucking eagerly and lapping up her juices. After cleaning me thoroughly, she kissed me softly, almost silently thanking me. Her forehead collided with mine and she kept it there, keeping us close together. Now, finally touching me for the first time, her fingertips brushed down my stomach and hooked into the narrow elastic lining of the laced shorts and played with the top of the pants. "When do these get to come off?" She hummed in a low, sexy tone. I bit into her bottom lip and chewed lightly.

Getting up off the chair, my heels scratched against the floor. I'd completely forgotten I was wearing them. I turned off the stereo and then went back to Tegan. Tegan stood slowly, her legs shaky and weak. I don't think any sex I'd ever had with Tegan had ever left her this fatigued. She allowed me to lead her into the bedroom, dragging her limp body with her. She collapsed onto the bed, still watching me shyly. I locked eyes with her, removing the shoes and the bottom half of my lingerie and joining her naked form. "Wait here," she whispered quickly and ran back out into the living room.

A good five minutes later, she walked back in with a smug expression fixed on her features. My eyes trailed lower the leather harness fastened to her hips. "I was gonna save this for tomorrow," she said, crawling onto the bed, "You're not the only one with surprises." She kissed me deeply, spreading my legs wide with her palms. Taking position between them, she brushed the phallus over my entrance. I was already soaked so she easily slipped it in. She started slow, letting me adjust to the silicone but then sped up, putting effort into her thrusts. The whines escaping my throat were unstoppable and I completely crumbled to her. I wrapped my legs around her waist, crushing her whole body against mine. She rolled her hips, forcing the strap on into me further. I winced a little but the pleasure out ruled the pain. With each thrust, the harness came into contact with my clit, sending shots of fire swimming through my system. My mind clouded, getting lost in the ecstasy. Tegan's body rocked relentlessly, driving me wild. I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth, suppressing the moans fighting to be released. I arched my back, feeling the warm sparks igniting in my abdomen. Screaming her name, I came hard, balling the sheets in my fists. The pent up moans took flight, filling the air with all my emotion. Tegan smiled and kissed to my upper lip, proud with her accomplishment. I released my leg lock and let Tegan out of my grasp. She pulled out and removed the harness before joining me at my side. I was still on a high, drowning in my afterglow. I panted, unable to get the sufficient oxygen. Her fingers found mine and she tugged me to cuddle her. She grinned manically and kissed me amorously. "You looked fucking beautiful tonight," she whispered, nuzzling her nose into mine. I replied by kissing her back and snuggling into her tighter.

If there was such thing as literal bliss, I knew it was there with her in those moments.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: **it's finally here. I'm really sorry that it took me so long to update, but hopefully the long chapter will make up for it. I really wanted to just say thank you to Jess (thatsoundssofictional), because you're so lovely and I wouldn't have made a quincest tumblr if it wasn't for you, which is turning out to be a pretty great life choice. I also would like to say thank you to Rae (missing-trees) for editing this for me. I will update other fics as soon as I can; Love They Say will be next I think. Anyway, I hope this chapter isn't a huge disappointment. I personally hate the ending, but I hope you don't too much.

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**Chapter Five: Sick inside wondering where**

I wavered out of sleep, the hot sheets clinging to my bones. I rubbed my eyes wearily, fighting the tired urges to float back into dreams. The discovery of empty sheets made my heart glow and I let elation wash over me. My warm exhales mingled with the cool air around me and I propped myself up on my elbows. I spotted Tegan sat cross-legged on top of the dresser opposite the bed, scribbling madly in a notebook. I smirked at her, waiting for her to notice my awakening. Her eyes were firmly down and she was clad in a baggy shirt and a loose pair of shorts. The low-cut neckline revealed bite-marks and hickies I'd left from the night before, forcing unrelenting smiles from me.

After a few moments, she glanced up, her face lighting up when her eyes met mine. She placed the notebook down and leaped onto the bed. She cuddled up against me and wrapped her arms tightly around my waist. Her legs collided with mine and they tangled into each other. Tegan giggled and kissed my upper lip gently. "What's all this for?" I said, tucking a couple of untamed strands of hair behind her ear.

"Well, I let you sleep in," she kissed my lips again just as delicately as before, "and I didn't want to be in bed when you woke up because I know you like it better when you wake up alone." She beamed smugly. She knew exactly how to please me. I pressed my lips to hers and tugged her closer by clutching the back of her neck.

"You know you're the only person that doesn't apply to though," I whispered. I let my tongue glide across her upper lip before pulling away and resting my head back on the pillow.

"Yeah, I know. But like our agreement, today is my turn to make you happy and I wanted to start it just as perfect as mine was." She snuggled her head into my chest and drew shapes lazily on my nude stomach. I kissed the top of her forehead and rubbed small circles on her lower back.

"What were you writing in that notebook anyways?" I felt her sigh but she remained unmoved.

"A song." Her fingertips traveled from my navel to up around my breasts and she repeated the motion. The touch tingled in all the right places.

"What's it about?" I studied her fingers slide over my skin softly.

"You." Even though I couldn't see her face, I felt her smile uncontrollably.

"I thought we weren't going to write about each other," I moved my hand from her lower back to her forearms but continued to rub in circular motions, "even if all you dream of lately is how to get me underneath you."

"I know, but it's hard not to when you're so perfect," She laughed gently and ran her fingers around my belly-button. I laughed with her, making her head bounce on my chest.

"What's it called?" Her thumb skipped over my bone at the bottom of my rib cage.

She hesitated a moment, brushing her thumb back and forth. "Drove me wild." I snickered and she shot up to look at me.

"Don't laugh," She chuckled and punched my shoulder playfully.

"I'm sorry," I smiled and brought my hand to cup her jaw, "can I read it?"

She shook her head confidently. "No. I want the first time you hear it to be a completed demo. Closer's different, this one's personal." Placing her palm flat on my stomach, she went for my jaw, kissing and sucking. Her hand moved lower, slowing drifting to cup my shaven mound. My clit was already throbbing as she eased her fingers over my slit. I chewed my lips to stifle the moans slamming into the back of my teeth. Her fingers danced around my entrance before sliding into me.

The stabbing pain in my abdomen forced me to grab her wrist and stop her. "Later, Tee. I'm still sore from last night." I felt embarrassed. I'd never had to do this before. Instead of following my expectations and groaning in disappointment, Tegan just grinned widely and ran her tongue up and down my neck. I could feel her smugness from the knowledge that she'd fucked me so hard my cunt was still sensitive.

"Get dressed then," she mumbled against my neck briefly before jumping out of bed and flashing a wink my way. Just before she left, she grabbed my shirt off the floor and launched it at me. I reluctantly got out of bed and padded over toward my closet; my bones clicking as my joints adjusted.

After throwing on an outfit, I straightened my hair and coated my face with a soft layer of make-up. I looked far from dressed-up, but I still looked classy, just more casual. I knew I could pull off this style and I wasn't afraid to admit it. Wanting to look particularly good for Tegan, I wore a pair of black skinny jeans that revealed my curves with a smart blue button-up; loosely fastened and hanging slightly on my petite figure.

Walking into the living room, I found Tegan fully dressed, sprawled on the sofa, with a book resting in her lap. My gut fluttered remembering the disheveled look I'd seen her in last; I already missed it. "I'm ready for you," I said with excitement running through my lungs. Tegan turned her attention from her book to me and put her book down at her side. She got up and swaggered over to me, a smile plastered on her face. Before her body met mine, she grabbed my hips and pulled me forcefully onto her.

"I'm sure you are." She kissed me generously, the smile stuck on her lips. She'd styled her hair perfectly, the long locks pulled back into a ponytail with her bangs guarding her forehead. I brought up my hand to cup her cheek and twisted my fingers so the soft hair would catch between them. Despite the lack of shower, the scent of my shampoo was still evident in her scalp. I loved smelling myself on her; it felt special. Really, she was the only person I wanted to share my scent with.

"Where are you taking me?" I bit my lip and raised an eyebrow curiously. She blushed a little and pulled away, looking down at her shoes.

"It's a surprise," She started, only now falling back down to earth and grabbing her jacket that was slung over the couch, "a taxi should be here any minute."

"You're not going to give me any hints?" I walked over and backed her against the sofa, forcing her to sit down. I sat down in her lap and her hands immediately went to caressing my thighs.

"You didn't give me any hints." She glanced behind me to the black jewellery bag on the table left untouched. I'd almost forgotten about it.

Unable to help myself, I began to chuckle, "Oh yeah… now I remember." I leant in to kiss her when her Blackberry buzzed and interrupted us. She scooted me off her knee and held my hand softly.

"Time to go Sare-bear." She helped me off the sofa and stole a quick kiss before leaving the apartment, massaging my knuckles gently. She locked up, secretly enthusing over the spare key on her chain. Once we came into view of the cab, she sighed and let my fingers go. She shot forward, opening the car door for me, grinning like a fool. I rolled my eyes at her and got in, waiting for her to get in the other side. Since the driver never asked where we were going, I assumed Tegan had just told the firm over the phone.

Tegan scooted closer to me on the back seat and I wrapped my arm around her shoulders so that she could snuggle into my side. Her fingers brushed my thigh and I spread my legs a little to allow her touch to settle in the seam. One thing I loved about Tegan is that she was always warm. She just had this way about her that seemed to heat you comfortably. I watched out the window as we turned down endless streets and weaved in and out of familiarity. I could hear Tegan pressing the keys on her Blackberry with her free hand, which made me decide to keep my attention away from the glowing screen. Part of me was just worried she was messaging LB and I figured I'd rather not know. Nothing could ruin today.

"Right here would be good, thanks." Tegan's voice startled me. I seemed to have zoned out for quite some time. She removed her hand from my lap and pulled out her purse to provide the owed amount of cash. While she paid, I slid across the leather seat and clambered out of the car door. Tegan was quick to follow and gave a subtle wave to the driver before he disappeared.

I stepped forward a little and pulled Tegan into a hug, snaking my arms around her waist. "Are you going to tell me where we're going yet?" Tegan tugged me delicately off her and shook her head teasingly. I pouted in return, receiving a playful shove to the shoulder.

"You'll find out soon enough," she smiled cunningly. She guided me a short way down the street before stopping outside an old, second-hand bookstore. It looked slightly out of place amongst its modern neighbors but it was perfect to me. Truth is, I'd wanted to go to this bookstore for months but never quite got around to it. Happiness consumed me and I almost felt like tearing up; I couldn't believe she even remembered. Usually when I drabble on about something I'm interested in, I just assume no one's listening.

"Tegan, this is perfect… you remembered." I was still in shock when she roped me into a hug.

"I remember everything you tell me Sare-bear," she whispered. Keeping me pressed tight to her body, she drifted into the store.

It was perfect. The smells from the worn pages hit me first, giving me tingles in my chest. Everything about the space made me fall in love; right down from the atmosphere to the quiet peacefulness that wrapped me up almost immediately. There was a middle-aged man with a younger female accomplice that stood near the door upon our arrival. I was too absorbed in my own little world to pay attention to what they were saying but when I tuned my attention in to them, the man was handing Tegan the keys and walking out of the store.

"How did you-" I went to ask a question but my mind was completely bewildered from what I'd just witnessed in the past few seconds.

"I pulled a few strings and we basically have the whole place to ourselves." She leaped towards the door and locked it behind the owner.

"Seriously?" my voice unexpectedly cracked. I wasn't too sure whether to feel happy or uncomfortable. Either way, Tegan and books were my two greatest pleasures in life and the combination of the two would work just fine. To make everything better would be the addition of coffee and wine, but I wasn't one to make a fuss.

Bouncing back from the door, Tegan grabbed my waist and pulled me behind the nearest set of shelves, out of sight from the windows. Her lips touched mine eagerly as she chuckled breathlessly. I savoured her taste, flicking my tongue and begging for entrance, to which she happily granted. We didn't kiss in public places very often, minus the times hiding behind trees in the park; but whenever we did, excitement just took over us like children in a candy store. Tegan's hands were still on my waist when I reached up to tangle mine in her hair. I consequently ruined her perfect pony-tail but her soft waves curling around my fingers made me forget about it. She sucked my tongue lightly, which sent sharp spasms to my core. Her fingers travelled down to my jeans but I grabbed her wrists before she could unbutton them. "Tegan, I am not having sex with you in a bookstore," I snickered, panting heavily.

Tegan bit down on my bottom lip, earning a wince from me. "It's not my fault you're constantly irresistible," she whispered, smoothing her hands under my shirt from behind and cooling the small of my back with her fingertips. I moved my hands back to loosely rest around her neck and drew her into another kiss.

Tegan suddenly grabbed my hips and tore my body from hers gently. "Right, you go read to your heart's content. I'm gonna find the bathroom," She smiled before twirling and wandering off in the opposite direction. It took me a few seconds to knock myself out of my daze, but I soon got down to business and dwelled into the books awaiting me.

I browsed for what felt like hours and Tegan didn't even bother me. Usually when I'm in a bookstore, she gets bored quickly and longs to leave, thus irritating me in the process. However, today she left me completely alone and in peace. That's how I knew she was really making an effort. Tegan was going all out and it definitely wasn't being ignored.

After I'd chosen a few books I wanted a buy, I went to look for Tegan. I hadn't quite realised how large the store was until that point. Eventually though, I found her slumped in a chair taping buttons on her phone vigorously. She had a book wedged under her arm and another resting in her lap. She'd tidied her hair again so it was nicely tucked back into a ponytail with her bangs coming down at the front. "I think I'm done," I said grabbing her attention.

Tegan's focus went directly to me and she eyed the pile of books in my arms. She simply smiled and climbed up off the chair to meet my side. "Should we go then?" I nodded and she headed towards the counter at the front of the store. "I'll just call the owner to tell him we're ready. It'll be twenty minutes or so but once we add up how much it's all going to be, I'm sure we will have wasted more than enough time." Tegan shifted away to make the phone call and handed me the two books she'd chosen. Typically, they were graphic novels and I couldn't help but smile at her selection.

We tried our best to kill time before the store owner came back, but mainly ended up kissing or laughing at one another's antics. When he finally turned up, again with the younger female, Tegan dealt him the money. As much as I didn't want her to pay, she insisted after the trouble I went to yesterday. The man was friendly and it was an easy turnover with the keys and such.

Once we'd left the store, Tegan interlocked our fingers and we walked away down the sidewalk. With no particular destination, we just went for the pleasurable walk; hand in hand and engaging in conversation. The transition from afternoon into evening was pleasant and the sky settled to a soft pink. Eventually, we both got hungry and decided to go to a restaurant. I let Tegan choose where we ate because the excitement was radiating off her and I just knew she'd choose somewhere fancy. I didn't particularly want to eat in a fancy restaurant but there was no way of changing her mind. Once Tegan's romantic side was activated, she was stuck.

Tegan being Tegan picked out one of my favorite places, and acted like a big-shot with the waiters in an attempt to impress me. She really didn't have to, but I took it anyway because I knew it was making her happy. It was times like this you could tell Tegan thrived off being the alpha female. We were advised to sit at the bar, since there were no tables currently available. It wasn't a surprise though. This establishment was usually busy, so a drink beforehand was often mandatory, even despite your reservation.

Tegan ordered us two beers and brought two bar stools really close together. She helped me climb up onto mine and then jumped up onto hers with ease. Her hand found its way into my lap and she began squeezing my thigh again like she had done in the taxi earlier. "Is this okay for you?" she purred, leaning in closer to my ear than she probably should've done in public.

"Tegan, it's perfect. You're perfect." I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth and chewed nervously. I tried desperately to hold onto self-control and fight every urge I had to kiss her. The bartender placed our drinks on the bar and earned a grateful smile from myself and Tegan. I took a sip, swallowing the drink hastily in hopes to calm my nerves. As soon as I put my drink back down, Tegan erupted in giggles. "What? What's so funny?" I questioned, frowning at her. Then, she seemed to laugh harder, more unable to stop.

I watched as her hand reached up to my face and her thumb ran across my upper-lip, removing the residue from the drink. Her giggles calmed and her face was left fixed with a broad smile. I sighed into the touch, but then remembered where we were and batted her hand away before she could get the chance to cup my jaw. I moved it to rest back in my lap, but I continued to hold on tightly to her fingers. She grinned at me, a light blush collecting in her cheeks. "You're so perfect," she whispered, studying my features carefully. I looked down, hiding my smile. Tegan was the only person who could make me completely crumble.

"Your table is ready." My eyes shot up to find a waitress smiling at us intently. Tegan grabbed our beers and jumped up from her chair. I followed suit and let the girl guide us through the restaurant to our seats. I sat opposite Tegan and clutched the menu laid out in front of me to busy myself. "If you guys need anything, ask for Grace," the waitress smiled and then turned to leave us. Under the table, Tegan's legs knotted with mine and her foot tapped gently against my calf. I glanced around at all the other couples around us, holding hands and kissing across the table. It hurt that Tegan and I couldn't engage in such public displays of affection, but our legs tangled between one another reminded me that our secretive, subtle love wasn't all too bad.

After a few minutes, the waitress returned to take our orders. I went with fish while Tegan chose one of the salads. Once the girl had gone, Tegan took a large sip of her drink and turned back to me. "Is this okay for you?" she asked a second time, twice as seductive as before.

"You know, you don't have to keep asking me that," I smiled. In response, she leaned back in her chair, beer in hand and smirking mischievously.

"True," she started, "but I want everything to be perfect." Her index finger twirled around the edge of her glass as she sighed deeply. In this light, you could see the dark tiredness around her eyes and the creases around her mouth that were only really there when she laughed.

"Well, you're here aren't you?" Tegan frowned, confused by my comment. She shifted forward and waited for me to continue. "Then, everything is perfect. You don't need to do anything to impress me, Tee. All I need is you; just you." Her face turned crimson and her gaze wandered downwards. I was beginning to play Tegan at her own game. "However," I said, causing her to meet my eyes again. I hesitated, taking a moment to look her up and down. "A slight improvement could be the removal of clothes," I bit my lip at her playfully.

Tegan fell into immediate laughter. "In such a public place? Scandal!" she mocked, dragging me down with her into giggles. "It could be arranged though," she let her throaty chuckles settle, "all in due time."

"Too much time if you ask me," I mumbled just loud enough so she could hear it but I regretted saying it almost straight away.

"I think we can afford to have a little patience," she perked up, taking several gulps from her drink.

"You think? How'd you figure that one out?" I cocked up an eyebrow and pouted slightly.

"Because, my little Sasa, we have all the time in the world and I'm going to stay with you until the end of forever. I'm fairly certain a couple of hours wearing clothes wouldn't hurt too much," she flashed her gummy smile, thinking she'd won.

"Perhaps…" I leaned across the table slightly and stroked the back of her fingers softly. Her hand was still clinging to the glass and I felt her freeze under my fingertips. "But why would I want to waste my time being fully dressed when I could have you writhing between my legs," I lowered my voice sufficiently and never removed my eyes from her. She looked around nervously, double-checking no one else had heard. Her bottom lip dropped, releasing the ragged breaths from her lungs. I turned my strokes into scratches and dragged my nails slowly over her skin. "Would you like to be in-between my legs, Tegan?" I husked. By the way she swallowed hard, I knew I'd pushed the right button and I could almost feel her cunt throbbing.

Almost as if by coincidence, the waitress turned up with our food, smiling just as contently as before. I ordered us two more beers while Tegan tried desperately to compose herself. She'd suddenly become flustered and the dark shade of pink was ever so prominent on her cheeks. We ate mostly in silence, enjoying our meals and sharing knowing smirks every now and again.

The rest of the evening went smoothly. Tegan insisted on paying, practically forcing her card into the waitress' hand as to block me off from all contribution. We'd ended up having four beers each and both of us were feeling more than a little bit of a buzz. We were beginning to let our hair down, which meant being more open in public. Our private hand touches became less hidden and we gradually started acting like a normal couple.

Leaving the restaurant, Tegan hailed a cab, wrapping her jacket around my shoulders like a gentleman. On the backseat, her hands ventured over my body and I surrendered to all my pent up urges. I kissed her, not caring if the driver knew who we were, not caring that we were in the company of someone else. The alcohol had released all my inhibitions and Tegan had become my target. Our tongues meshed together and her sweet taste sent me into an abyss. The low moans vibrating in her throat spurred me on and I clutched the back of her neck to tug her closer.

Tegan was the first to pull away, catching her breath. She bit her lip and turned to the driver apologetically. He seemed indifferent but that didn't stop her from feeling embarrassed. Sensing her anxiety, my hands found hers, threading my fingers through the empty spaces. In return, she rested her head on my shoulder and eased into comfort. Her hair felt soft in the crook of my neck and I leaned into her. It was like I just couldn't get close enough to her in those moments, as if our bodies would have to blend into one for me to be anywhere near satisfied.

Returning home, I collapsed onto the sofa; today's events and the alcohol exhausting me. Tegan kicked off her shoes by the door and grabbed two beers from the kitchen. "Do you want to put on a movie?" She asked, her voice slightly raised coming into the living room.

"I guess so," I accepted one of the beers and took a sip before continuing, "What did you have in mind?" She fell onto the sofa next to me, her hand instinctively finding my thigh. I turned my head to kiss her on the cheek, snuggling into her body. Her fingertips stroked back and forth on the fabric of my jeans, occasionally trailing to my inner thigh.

"I don't know. Whatever you want," She sighed. She took my beer from me and placed it on the coffee table along with her own. Her fingers started tugging lightly on the button of my jeans. The throbs in my core had already begun; she was throwing me right where she wanted me. I swallowed hard, failing to remove the lump in my throat. Her fingers expertly popped open the button, brushing the fragile skin on my abdomen.

"Tee…" I whispered, suppressing a moan. I bit my lip as she dipped her hand inside my jeans. Tight exhales were torn from my chest, anticipating her next move. She touched my slick slit, making my hips jerk forward unexpectedly. I was already soaked, the heat radiating everywhere. Gently applying pressure to my clit, she began to circle, plucking more shaky breaths from my lungs. Her lips took to my neck, dragging her tongue along the skin. The velvety licks sent direct pulses to my cunt, flooding the fabric of my underwear further. Knots twisted in my stomach as she continued to work my swollen clit. Her soft pinches ripping through my gut and I soon found myself squirming.

She shifted down slightly and curled her fingers up inside of me. There was no doubt she could feel the throbs echoing from my centre as her hand began to pound me. She pressed her thumb to my clit and moved it in hard circles. I jerked my hips up into her hand, begging for a more forceful friction. Sweat gathered on my skin and heat spread throughout my body. Tegan sped up thrusts and that was enough to throw me into oblivion. Tension built everywhere from my toes to my stomach muscles and I came to a halt to let Tegan finish me off. "Tegan…" my voice cracked as she worked me into my orgasm. I threw my head back, clinging tightly to the couch. Ecstasy washed over me and the waves of pleasure shattered my internal organs. I squirted onto her fingers, shivers running along my thighs. I rode myself out, letting my breathing subside as I grinded gently into her palm.

Tegan kissed up my neck, each one stitching itself into the surface. She stopped just below my ear, where she took the lobe between her teeth. A stifled moan rolled off my tongue as I threw my head back for a second time. "I think we should take this to the bedroom," her voice emerged as a low growl. I hastily nodded and hauled myself off the sofa, reluctant in letting Tegan remove her hand from the contents of my jeans. I grabbed Tegan by her clothes and dragged her through my apartment.

I pushed her back harder than I'd initially intended and she hit the mattress with a hard thud. Clawing for her jeans, I snatched them from her legs, exposing her milky thighs. She whimpered, which only encouraged me to persist. I pushed off my own clothes, signalling for her to do the same. Diligently, she followed instruction; chewing on her bottom lip nervously. Now standing at the edge of the bed, I watched as she spread her legs apart for me. Her glossy centre was presented to me, revealing the juices coating the inside of her thighs; almost creating a glistening effect in the dim light. She shifted restlessly, the warmth already burning too harshly between her legs for her to remain stationary. I could literally see her throbbing and the view itself was enough to send my insides into frenzy. I bit my lip at her, admiring her compromised position. I could feel my own juices sticking in my inner thighs and still growing with every passing second.

Surrendering, I climbed onto the mattress, crawling up to meet Tegan's lips with my own. I widened my knees in her thighs, forcing her apart and thus denying her access to shut her legs. She whimpered in my mouth, latching her fingers into my hair and pushing me down. Clawing her nails at my scalp, the subtle whines emanating from her let me know she was desperate. Her skin felt ablaze against mine, scorching and fresh waiting for me. She kept inadvertently tensing her hips, begging for friction with her heated sex vacant from any aspect of touch. I could already smell her, the sweet, tangy nectar dripping freely. Gradually, the inhales between kisses were more powerful and her chest threatened to explode.

Taking her by surprise, I removed my lips from hers and aggressively pinned her wrists above her head. Fleeting gasps escaped her, blending in with her quiet cries. Constraining her arms with one hand, I took the other to caress her cheek, soothing my thumb across the moisturized skin. The affectionate action soon ended however, when I lowered my hand to her chest. Digging in my nails as hard as I could, I dragged them down, ripping into her tender flash. Immediate red trails emerged, glowing in pathways. I was lucky enough not to draw any blood, but Tegan's sharp hisses in reply let me know she felt the intended amount of pain. Stopping at her abdomen, I admired the long red lines carved into her torso. Pleadingly biting her lip, her eyes met mine; they were already swimming in a thin glaze.

Moving my hand to grab her side, I ran my thumb over her hip. I pressed into the jutting bone, feeling her tremble beneath me. Shutting her eyes and throwing her head back, she hummed in reply. I watched as my thumb prints transitioned from white into a dark crimson. I soon had Tegan writhing, her pelvis bucking up into my hand. "S-Sara," her frail voice sliced through the dense air.

Not quite succumbing to her pleads, I slid down her slender frame and positioned myself between her thighs. Examining previous faded bruises, jealousy consumed me as I realised a select few were too distant to be mine. "Did _she_ do these?" I asked, purposely adding the malicious twang in my throat. Tegan nodded in defeat. She'd never admit it out loud, but when she was with me, I knew she felt embarrassed about her sexual encounters with Lindsey.

I began sucking and biting at her sensitive skin, replacing the older marks with harsher ones of my own. She openly squirmed beneath me, not even attempting to hide her moans anymore. I was surprised I didn't make her bleed with my relentless torture. Striking pain to her made me giddy even if it was in spite of her happiness for when I wasn't around. I only ceased when each thigh was littered with rewarding purple circles. I probed one of them with my thumb, clarifying my satisfaction when she winced. It had become something of a necessity to leave my personal stamps on her body these days.

Now placing three fingers above her entrance, she soaked my fingers immediately. Her heat was overwhelming. By the way she sunk her teeth into her bottom lip, it was a good indication she was ready for me. I slowly trailed my fingertips upward to brush her clit. Her cunt pulsed beneath me, aching to be pleasured and pleased. Taking my fingers between my teeth, a coated them with a light layer of saliva; momentary removing Tegan from them.

I steadied two digits over her slit and eased them into her. Her walls clenched and the warm temperature sent kicks to my own core. The pulsing velvet closed around my fingers, guiding me into her further. I drew out my fingers only to slide them back in more forcefully seconds later. Tegan whimpered loudly and tried to roll her hips but stopped when she realised it wasn't helping. I picked up a steady rhythm, my digits pounding into her; she still felt so tight around my fingers. She clawed at my sheets, dragging them into her fists and tugging violently. I brought my other hand up to rub small circles on her clit, which seemed to elicit throaty moans from her. Her body was already exhausted, sweaty, and no doubt sore from my scratches and other harsh modifications.

I applied another finger, drilling her harder. She furrowed her brow, evidently overcome from the addition. Sweet blasphemy falling from her lips, I curled my fingers inside, stroking her spongy spot. Powerful shudders engulfed her body and her mouth dropped open. Fire swelled in her lungs, blocking her ability to breathe as she tumbled over the edge. Her walls tensed around me as she poured onto my hand. The burning in her chest finally dissipated and she was able to suck the air back in. She panted heavily, struggling to recover from her orgasm. Removing my fingers from her gently, I quickly accepted them into my mouth, melting in the taste of her.

Crawling back up her body, I kissed her softly, contrasting my earlier behavior. Her lips were swollen, chapped and sore from how she'd been mercilessly chewing them. Her hair was the messiest I'd ever seen it. Still breathing restlessly, she returned my kisses, sliding her tongue against mine with ease. Tiredly lifting her hand to cup my jaw, I studied the raw skin on her palms. It looked like she'd been ripping at the skin with her nails. She moaned into my mouth; the gentle hums warming my insides.

"I love you," she whispered, our eyes locking properly for the first time. I kissed her forehead and smoothed away her tattered sex-hair.

"I'm sorry for going so hard on you," I said guiltily. I felt bad for being so rough; I was never usually like this with anyone. This was a first for me too.

"Don't be," Tegan husked, running her tongue along my upper lip, "I liked it." Her voice was hoarse and raspy and she chuckled weakly. She gave me a final kiss before turning around in my arms to let me cuddle her from behind. I snaked my hand over her stomach, where she put her palm over the back of my hand and interlocked our fingers. She whimpered from the contact with the scratches on her belly but it was nothing that couldn't be solved from the rearrangement of the placement of our hands.

"I don't want you to leave tomorrow," I said unhappily, suddenly feel anxious and sentimental. I'd effectively forgotten about her departure and I wasn't sure I was ready for it. Anytime Tegan left me to go home, it felt like a piece of me was being taken away. I wasn't whole without her and existing apart was more of a drag than I'd like to admit. We'd had the perfect weekend but with the unavoidable approaching, it was a bit of an anticlimax.

In reply, Tegan sighed and snuggled more into my front. She squeezed my fingers in her grasp in reassurance and pulled my arm into a tighter embrace around her waist. "Sara, I want you to always remember this. No matter where you are or who you're with. A couple of thousand miles seems really far, but I'll always be with you. Always. You can feel me in your heart whenever you feel lonely or sad and you know I feel it too. You can never be alone because I'll never hurt you like that Sasa. You're in my thoughts every waking minute and you just need to trust me. I love you. I love you so much it hurts. I'm always here for you. Don't forget." Her voice choked up toward the end and even though I couldn't see her face, I knew we were both crying. I kissed her shoulder blade hard and for the first time I realised, we were one.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN:** I'm so sorry it's been so long. This next chapter is probably going to be slightly disappointing but I promise it'll all be made up for in the next chapter. Please review and enjoy. Sorry, again.

* * *

**Chapter Six: Where you're leaving your make-up**

"Sara?" her voice echoed inside my mind and I was forced to wake up. My eyes immediately met her smile and it warmed everything inside of me. Tegan was like a fire you curiously reached out to touch and didn't pull away if it started burning- just to see what happens. You could be blistering and decaying and you still wouldn't take your hand from the flame because you wanted to feel something. I was so numb after Emy, that when Tegan finally gave herself to me, the stings ran through all my nerves and gave me an adrenaline I'd never had before. Tegan's warmth was the hottest I'd ever felt and it was slowly melting the ice still remaining in my soul.

I let out a tired groan, rubbing my eyes and finding the lower part of my body constrained. Tegan straddled my hips, twirling her fingers in my short hair and flicking her eyes between my own. Being awoken like this was truly heavenly. Almost like having your first cigarette of the day, your head left feeling high and woozy; Tegan had a similar effect. She was all the drugs I'd ever need. I could get used to having her soft exhales brush across my complexion after escaping from her parted lips.

I rested my hands on her thighs, the skin coated in bruises and bite makes from the night before. I stroked each one gently with my thumb, soothing the sore stamps suppressed beneath her skin. "How come you're still here? I thought you would've flown home by now." My voice was hoarse and dry from misuse, but I still hoped the raspy undertones would be found alluring by my lover.

"I arranged a later flight so that I could be with you when you woke up. Anyhow, I have news for you," she smirked. She knew she was pressing all the right buttons for me and easing herself into irresistible. Nobody knew how to please me quite like Tegan. She'd tuned it down to a fine art.

"News?" I cocked up an eyebrow and pouted. Tegan nodded, refusing to break the eye contact. She bit her bottom lip faintly, timidly looking at me through her eyelashes. Teasing was something Tegan did all too well and she knew it turned me on. She was the biggest sin and I was her sinner, committing the worst the world had to offer and I was trapped like dirt under her fingernails. Resist the temptation? But how could I refuse?

"It's more of a surprise," she whispered. She paused for a moment, reaching to the bedside table and grasping a narrow envelope. Her thumbs carefully peeled it open, gently tipping the contents into her hands. She presented to me return flight tickets from Montreal to Los Angeles. "I want you to come stay with me in LA. I've been thinking about this for a while and I have it all planned out. This afternoon, I'm flying to Vancouver to run some Errands and then taking a flight tomorrow evening to LAX. I'll meet you at the airport the following day and you can stay in my apartment. LB has the whole week booked with work clients, so we'll have every day to ourselves. She'll be around nights, but only for a few hours. I've already spoken to her and asked not to be disturbed during daylight hours, since we're working solely on writing a new record… What do you think?" She was absorbed with excitement, watching me intently for a reaction.

My eyes widened and I dropped my jaw heavily. She'd sincerely outdone herself this time. I couldn't even breathe. "What do _I_ think? Tegan! I fucking love it!" I grabbed her face and pulled her lips onto mine hard; kissing my thanks. Tegan giggled happily, obviously content with herself. After this entire weekend, she'd won my heart (what felt like) a million times over. "Thank you," I enthused again, "thank you so much."

"However…" she pulled away, weaving our fingers together, "For now, how about I sort out some breakfast?" She smiled widely, flashing her gums to me.

"Okay," I said plainly, but then I took her by surprise. I grabbed her hips and flipped her onto her back on the bed. I kissed along her collarbone, pushing her loosely-fitted shirt to the side a little.

"Sara, what are you doing?" she was already breathless. I lightly stroked her inner thigh with my fingertips, slowly working my way upward. I slid gently inside her boxers, collecting her wetness on my fingers and triggering a rewarding gasp from her. I then took my hand away, sucking my fingers into my mouth and savouring her taste.

"Eating breakfast." I hooked my fingers into her underwear, guiding them off her hips, past her knees, and tossing them to the side. I made my way down her body, leaving a trail of kisses. Tegan began breathing heavily, her lungs burning from the pressure. Positioning myself between her thighs, I held onto her hips. Gracing her folds with my warm breath, I gently eased my tongue along her slit, teasing her clit. She spread her legs wider, forcing her thighs apart as much as she could. She tangled her fingers in my hair, tugging and guiding. I slid my tongue into her; the warmth engulfing my tongue. She practically screamed from the pleasure. Throwing her head back, her exposed chest rose and fell violently. She rode my face, lifting her hips off the bed and pushing me into her as she moved herself against me. Grabbing her waist, I forced as much as possible into her; every inch, all my love, everything. Her stomach rolled up to meet my tongue, tensing with every wave of ecstasy.

"S-Sara, I- I think I'm gonna-" Tegan stuttered, squeezing her eyes shut. Tears caught in her eyelashes, not quite escaping onto her skin. "I'm gonna-" she tried again, the words scrambling in her throat. The lower half of her body started to spasm, shaking and flailing from her approaching orgasm. I replaced my tongue with my fingers and sucked her clit in return. I watched as she strained every tendon in her neck as she moaned louder and louder. She let go of my hair and clawed at the bed-sheets. "Sara…" I pumped my fingers harder, curling them up to reach her spot. I could feel her walls tightening around my fingers. Suddenly, her body froze and she held her breath. It was as if time had completely paused for a few seconds. Her walls clenched and pulsed as she came down from her high. She moved her hips softly, riding out her orgasm. I licked away her juices, drinking up as much as I could. I finally removed my fingers from her, slipping them into my mouth.

Her body still aching, I climbed back up, taking rightful place in her arms. Her entire torso was clammy and taut. I kept a hand between her legs, massaging her swollen folds softly. "You know, when I said breakfast, I didn't exactly have that in mind," she chuckled, running her fingers through my hair.

"You enjoyed it though. It's not like you asked me to stop," I grinned at her, kissing her lips and running my tongue along her upper lip.

"True, but like I can say no to your tongue," she whispered. She allowed me entrance and brushed her tongue against my own, lightly applying the perfect amount of pressure. She pulled away first, sighing deeply, "I'm glad you liked your surprise."

"How could I not?" I brought my hand up to her face, caressing her cheek with my thumb. Her cheek and jaw bones were so perfectly defined. Mine were so prominent and sharp, but hers were more subtle; much better than my own. I touched lightly to the freckle in the centre of her left side. I was truly in love with every little part of her. "Do you want me to take you to the airport later?"

"That would be perfect," she kissed me again. Her grasp in my hair tightened for a brief moment before she let go completely, "for the time being though, I'm going to sort out some breakfast. Some _real_ breakfast." She jumped out of bed and grabbed her jeans off the floor from yesterday. "I'm going to Starbucks. Are muffins and coffee alright with you?"

"Always," I smiled, gaining one from her in return. After quickly getting dressed, she ruffled her hair in the mirror, entirely owning her sex hair. She said a quick goodbye, kissing me on the forehead and grabbed her coat on the way out.

My apartment always seemed so empty without Tegan. It was like I just needed her around these days to make living not seem so hopeless. I chose to get dressed myself, finally dragging myself out of bed. With my body all sticky and sweaty, the only thing on my mind was a hot shower. I padded to the bathroom, stretching my tired muscles. Turning the water scolding, I got in. The warm water gave me tingles as it poured down my back, releasing the soreness gathered in my body. As fun as showering with Tegan was, nothing could beat showering alone. I massaged the shampoo into my scalp, pulling my hair back out of my eyes. Despite feeling far from exotic, I probably looked like one of those girls in Herbal Essences commercials with a dumb smile on my face.

Reluctantly leaving the shower, I covered myself in a towel and ventured out of the bathroom to see if Tegan had returned. As she remained absent, I quickly got dressed, taking the time to dry my hair and tidy up after myself. Getting ready alone was less of a chore with the soon promise of Tegan. After a while with Tegan still not having come home, I tried cleaning the apartment and calling various people who didn't answer. I was like a lost puppy, trying to find something to occupy the time. Eventually, I just resorted to my usual solution and ended up reading a book in the living room.

* * *

"Hey Sare-bear," Tegan yelled as she came through the door, "I'm sorry I took so long, I went out to get groceries on the way back." She put her purchases in the kitchen before meeting me in the living room with my breakfast. I roped her into a kiss, dragging her into the sofa with me; carelessly discarding my book in the meantime.

"I was beginning to worry babe," I sighed. I dug into my muffin, popping a chuck of the chocolaty mixture in my mouth.

Snuggling into me, Tegan kissed my cheek and whispered a "sorry".

"Did Starbucks spell your name wrong again?"

"No," she chuckled, blushing slightly, "I just used your name again."

"I love it when you do that." I kissed her temple before taking another chunk of muffin.

"I know," she grinned coyly. We ate our food together, cuddling each other and lounging lazily. This normal stationary living was what I wanted with Tegan. Obviously, our career and our relation prevented that, but it's all I craved for really. I often thought about how we might have that sort of a life in the future. As long as she broke up with LB that is. Although the sex was phenomenal, the lack of normal loving relationship qualities made me long for that more. You never realise how badly you want something until you can't have it.

"How long is it until I have to take you to the airport?" I kissed up her neck softly and pulled her into my lap so that my front was pressed against her back. I interlocked my fingers across her stomach and kept her close to me.

"I was thinking of calling a cab actually. It's funny how breakfast was late enough to be lunch," she laughed at herself. I continued kissing her neck, savouring the time left before the few days we'd have apart.

"I'd wait forever for you," I bit her earlobe lightly. Tegan moaned in contentment, resting her head back onto me. "I'd do anything for you," I continued, grazing my teeth across her skin.

"Anything?" She perked up. I hummed in reply, not wanting to stop kissing her. "Well, you could pack for me," she giggled to herself. I nudged her away from me as Tegan erupted into more laughter.

"Only if you help me," I hauled myself off the sofa, pulling Tegan up with me. She wrapped her arms around my waist and caught my bottom lip with her teeth. "Why do you always leave packing until the last minute?" I whined slightly. I never understood how she could be so different from me. You would think that sharing a womb together would make us end up having similar traits. Maybe if I wasn't such a neat-freak it wouldn't bother me so much.

"I don't," she said, skipping off towards the bedroom, "it's just an excuse to spend more time with you." She grinned at me, exposing her gums before disappearing into the door. I rolled my eyes; some of her antics may have irritated me like hell, but it only made me love her more.

* * *

The taxi ride came all too quickly and we soon found ourselves in the airport. I stayed with Tegan as long as I could; gripping her hand like I'd never get to hold it again. Even though I was seeing her again in two days, this weekend had been so perfect, part of me didn't want it to end. If I could live every day like I had in those past 48 hours, I wouldn't need anything else. "I'll meet you in LAX, okay? It'll feel like no time at all I promise," She smiled weakly. I pulled her into a hug in the middle of the airport, squeezing as tight as humanly possible. I buried my face in her neck and kissed subtly so no one else would see.

Upon pulling away, she stroked my hair. I guess it looked like she was tidying it up or straightening it out. Usually when she did this in public or on stage I ducked away from it, but this time I was more than happy to welcome it. She did this a lot; claim there was something in my hair or something was on me. Then she'd go to move it, but just be caressing me secretively. Tegan had this desperate need to show affection no matter who it was around. It was rather sweet really. Usually, I hated all kinds of public displays of affection but Tegan made me forget all that.

"Goodbye Sasa, I'll see you soon," she whispered, tucking a final strand of hair behind my ear.

"Two days…" I sighed deeply. I interlocked our fingers, stroking her knuckles, "I love you, Tegan. Thank you so much for this weekend."

"I love you too." She glanced around cautiously before quickly kissing me on the forehead. She grabbed her bag and began in the opposite direction. "Bye," she shouted back, waving enthusiastically. I waved back, watching as she disappeared into the airport.


End file.
